trying too hard

Silly me, I am sometimes brought to a stop by the realization I don't know nearly as much as I think I do. My most recent example, a small epiphany, if you will, was this morning. I've been trying so hard to be the person I want to be, to be perfect for someone else. I still want that, in some ways, but I found today it needs to be different than the way I've been trying to do it.. I' m a big believer in not giving up, not admitting defeat- if I can think it, I should be able to figure out a way to make it happen. But I also try too hard sometimes. Sometimes you do have to sit back, and let things flow like the running of water. Sometimes the trying mindset makes me lose sight of what I'm really tring to achieve, what I want. Sometimes, I need to just ask and talk and listen and not try to make things work- no solutions, no fixing, no needing to fix something that is different than what I thought it was, or thought I wanted- I want to appreciate it while it is in front of me, enjoy the wild riot of nature, and remember I love it as much or more than the ordered beauty of a garden.